Part Two of "Home at last..."

And my travels continue...

Taiping was our next stop! We got to stay in a homestay while living there. My host family insisted we call them "Machi and Pachi" (Aunt and Uncle). We were also persuaded to wear Muslim garb. Under the headpiece and tent-like dress, I don't think I have ever sweated so much. Jen and I looked like a couple of old ladies under these layers. Er, correction: I looked like a spinster old lady. My Machi also gave me the wrong size of dress, so at one point I looked like a stuffed spinster sausage in hot pink. I don't think I have ever looked so unattractive in my life. It was a great source of laughter for Jen though. There I was, stuffed and stuck in this polyester blend hot pink dress: my ass was ballooning over and my arms were straight up in the air. I was yelping for help and she was holding her sides from having her gut split from laughter. Our poor Muslim host parents must have been very worried or offended by my screams and Jen's laughter.

Luckily, Jen pulled it together enough to get my ass out of that dress and to ask for a new one from our Machi. My new dress was something my grandmother would have liked: blue with giant blue flowers on it. It put about 40 years on me but it was a lot more comfortable. I complained about how hot it was to wear but that was before I saw my wedding dress...

THE WEDDING:

During our homestay, my host family put on a mock wedding. I was chosen as the bride and my groom was an IT guy from New Zealand in his late thirties. He was a nice guy but I was dreading the wedding due to all the teasing I was getting from our travel group. Even David, the groom, started making cracks at me ("Hey hun, have you made the seating arrangements for the wedding, yet?) Anyway, the night of the wedding was also the day I had gotten stuck in that hot pink mess. What I had no idea was that my wedding dress was an even thicker polyester blend that included a wool cap.

In Taiping, I don't think we had a day under 30C, so it was a real treat to wear wool. My hair was placed on top of my head and a blue wool skullcap was pulled over. Next, I had to put on a beautiful (though heavy) blue jacket and skirt. I was topped with a chiffon veil and metal crown. I looked like a princess but I was sweating like a pig. Luckily for me, Jen, my maid of honour, got to fan me for two hours while I sat in a royal chair with my husband during the ceremony. It was actually quite a beautiful experience and looking back on the photos, I've come to realize that Western weddings are so... white... compared to the colour of Malay or Indian weddings.

Penang was another beautiful place. It was probably Jen and my favourite place in Malaysia. The culture was really evident in the city but it was not overwhelming... maybe we were just used to it by then. I saw my first ladyboy (who happened to be a prostitute but that's besides the point) and we had some amazing food experiences there. It was there that I got hooked on Mango Sticky Rice dessert. The sweets in Malaysia were very interesting-- though definitely not my idea of a real treat. Sweetened beans or green coconut slime served over rice just doesn't beat chocolate.

Jen and I got massages too. You will have to hear Jen's account-- her experience is actually more embarrassing than mine-- but my encounter with the masseuse was pretty interesting to say the least. Fluent english speakers in this particular parlour did not exist. I was trying to ask my masseuse if I should remove all of my clothing (since it was a full body massage) and all she could say was, "you naked on bed. now." Thankfully she left the room in time for me to rapidly strip to my underwear and hide under the sheets. When she entered the room, I heard her click on the television. She was watching Asian soap operas during our session.

For those of you who have experienced a massage, you must know that the point of a massage is to try r-e-l-a-x-i-n-g... but this was far from it. All I could hear while I was trying to let my mind go was sobbing, screams and retorts in another language. And if you think our soap operas are dramatic, you have never seen an Asian one. It is epic.

But that wasn't the worst part! Half-way through my massage, she jumped up on the table and straddled me while she used her elbow on my back and legs. She was a little thing but it was still weird feeling her sit on me while she kneaded my muscles. I am sure some of you men out there (and maybe some of you women) are just lapping up the idea of girl-on-girl but it was not sexy in the least. I was lying there, more tense than when I had come in, and thinking, "will anyone hear my screams or will they mistake that for the Asian girl on my masseuse's television?" Regardless, when the massage was said and done, I actually felt pretty good. For sixteen dollars, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience...

More to come...

Home at last...

One Hundred and Fourty-Three days away from home, five countries, and a two trunks full of memories: I am back home in Canada armed with experience, maturity and all that other stuff. I have been working on a very long blog post for some time but it was getting too epic so I have decided to break them up in parts. Here is part one! Please note that my sentimental writing is at full throttle (but for good reason). That is all:

Hello Everyone.

So, I left Canada the day after St. Valentines Day and I arrived home on July 5th, the day after Independence Day. Maybe I am crazy but I think the theme of love and independence in the last six months of my life has been most prominent. It's no surprise then that I would find these trivial coincidences to be little reminders of things that I have been thinking about a lot lately.

On Independence:

I flew the nest on February 15th and I did it in a big way. I went across the world to live amongst a nation of wonderful people (for the most part anyway). I had a great time doing it too. I discovered a passion for experimenting in the kitchen (and then taking pictures of the result). I discovered the ocean and what it is like to go to school sans two jobs, a car and a family to fall back on all the time. For the first time, I tried kangaroo, squid, scallops, mussels, shark, haloumi cheese, dukkah (which tastes like an old man) and cheesecake straight from the freezer. I went Australian tobogganing and I drank salty sea water. I met some of the greatest people I'll ever meet. I navigated two major cities (Sydney and Melbun') and got a slice of what it's like being truly self-sufficient.

Then in June, I went to Malaysia, Thailand and Bali. Jesus Christ. Asia! My best friend joined me in Australia on the third and the next day we were off to Singapore. Our first day was a bit of a disaster-- weather wise. It was like I had never seen rain before... or at least a downpour to such a grand scale. Still, we braved the rain (which was warm) and navigated our way through the Little India district. I bought a blue plastic poncho in Oz that I was dreading pulling out. Plastic ponchos are the rainy gear equivalent to a fanny pack. This one I had taken with me was particularly bad... so it was only fitting that half-way through the day I figured out I had shoved my head through one of the arm holes rather than the hooded top. I still blame Jen for making me look more ridiculous than need be.

Melaka was our next stop and the starting point of our Malaysian experience. A trend that started in Melaka and that did not end until we were back in Australia was the poor quality of sidewalks. May not sound that bad but I had to constantly watch my footing. One minute I was walking along just fine and then the sidewalk would open to a gaping hole with only a makeshift piece of rotting wood or plastic planked across the opening. Sometimes the sidewalk would just be a pile of rocks or broken concrete. Sometimes it was just easier walking on the road and risk getting picked off by a motorcycle or taxi.

After Melaka, we headed to Kuala Lumpur. KL had the nice mix of big city and village. Our hotel was based in China Town where the scary hawkers cat call, grab, whistle and sell knock-off product. It was my first experience with that kind of interaction and, for the most part, it was pretty funny. I got everything from "Hey baby!" to just a simple "kiss-kiss" smacking noise. Nothing made me want to buy a fake Chanel purse until I heard a man with greased back hair say, "Hey sexy! Babaaay, look at these purses! Muah Muah!" Not.

KL also had beautiful handmade art and crafts. It also had some amazing food. Almost every place we ate was on the street and so it was like "dinner and a show." While eating something that was called "fried carrot cake" I watched a dog taking a nap on top of a vehicle and a man who walked around with his leg behind his head. Pretty amusing and disturbing.

Our last dinner in KL was probably one of the most memorable. We were eating on the road again across from a hawker stall selling fake designer bags. The gentleman who was running that particular stand had these piercing eyes that bordered psycho-killer. He was chain-smoking and starring at me without much blinking. For some reason, if one has crazy eyes, one has no need for blinking. I don't understand that. Regardless, I noticed early on that I was the subject of his gaze. I tried to ignore it. (You've got to most of the time since meeting someone's gaze somehow means you want to buy something).

Anyway, this was going on throughout the meal. I turned to Jen to let her know of what was going on and she looked at him and laughed out loud when he wouldn't stop starring at me. I was panicked but I was also flattered. I mean... there were a lot of white girls around, yet somehow I was special. I think I could be charmed by a lot of serial killers-- honestly. At one point, he gestured to say that my eyes were nice. I looked down about the time that he got bashful and smiled to his friend.

After we finished eating, we decided to go to a Reggae Bar around the corner. I told myself not to turn around and look at Psycho Killer but I did and I could tell he was trying to tell me something. To what it was, I will never know and probably for the best.

Part two to come shortly!